Posts in health
Bold Journey into Burnout

I was working in the Palliative Care Unit at Vanderbilt when the pandemic hit. Palliative Care is a specialty in medical care that focuses on treating the symptoms of a disease that cannot be cured. Sometimes it leads straight into end of life care in a short period of time. I had been doing this work for the past 7 years and found it rewarding and that it was my calling.

Read More
Food for Thought

Everyone is on their own journey. And all I know is that mine is complex. I still have an inner shame voice if I eat what I deem in the moment as ‘too much’ or if the waist band on my pants feels a little too tight on any given day, or if I see a photo of myself and immediately think I look fat. This voice amplifies itself multiple times a day and is reinforced by not so subtle advertising everywhere.

Read More
Why I left my last job...

So how do we go about finding wholeness on a more regular basis? It’s a question I am always asking, and I come to different answers all of the time. Lately I’ve been feeling pretty good physically, mentally and emotionally. A work in progress as always, I have found a lot of joy in living and one of the reasons is because I left the job that was killing me slowly.

Read More
Canvas Rebel Article

Whether I am playing or experiencing it, music always continues to enrich my life. I consider it a gift to be able to step onto a stage and forget about everything except for the task at hand. I always receive back ten-fold what I put out into the environment as a performer. It is a shot of adrenaline to my spirit that I am always grateful to experience. It truly is magical.

Read More
Springin forward

there is something ingrained in me about how much I'm 'supposed to work' every week and then I come home and do my other job - being a creative - or is that 'for fun?' In the culture of addictive processes we find ourselves telling each other that it's good for us to be jammed up all the time, but I don't think it's healthy! There is so much talk around 'self-care' and 'work life balance' but damnit they just become buzzwords that we end up resisting in lieu of proving to ourselves we need to be superheroes instead of mastering resting.

Read More
Intermission

OH PLANS!!! I’m still making them, just more and more cautiously and less frequently. This week I felt depressed for a few minutes because I didn’t have anything to do requiring advanced amounts of my brain or talent of any sort. I wanted to rejoice that I’m now planning ‘resting,’ and I’m finding it but not without some despair. I want to be useful. “What am I doing with my time?” I am called to be of service in my life, yet right now I must serve me. It is a mysterious ride to be on, and I feel like I’m going around and around with i

Read More
the in-between state

2 weeks prior to starting chemo when I was hearing my diagnosis for the first time, I had a conversation with myself about my drinking. Though I drank less than I used to, it seemed to be the right time to choose to be alcohol-free for the duration of my treatment. After all, booze has shown to increase estrogen in the bloodstream and HELLO I have an estrogen receptor positive cancer. Truly sounds like a no-brainer to me!

Read More
Stop For a Minute

Anna Marie Henderson and I wrote this song a year ago just when we were figuring out how to thrive in a pandemic. We had been sitting and talking about how it was all going and she told me the story of one of her patients who was very ill and asked her to ‘stop for a minute and hold her hand.’ There is one room on our unit where you can see a small tree growing outside the window and when she was sitting and holding her hand, she saw raindrops falling ‘like teardrops from a branch’ and as time passed the patient was comforted and more relaxed.

We also talked about what is like to work a 12 hour shift in such an intense environment. We work in the Palliative and Hospice care environment and we see so many different types of patients in all age ranges that are getting close to the end of their lives. We spend our days comforting not only the patients but also their family and friends and Anna and I both find it to be very meaningful work that we are blessed to do. We talked about how we come home, sometimes depleted and we turn to our significant others to ‘stop for a minute and hold our hands’ (or our broken bodies from the stress of the day!)

What I love about this song is that it’s a reminder that we are all her and present to care for each other, no matter what the role is. Sometimes in that ‘pause’ is where we realize where we need to take a breath and re-center our focus on what is going on, and it benefits not only the patient, but ourselves and our co-workers as well.

Read More
Wide Awake 5AM

To me this is a morning ‘mourning’ song. Anticipation of a new day, and the uncertainties it brings. I’m wide awake at 5AM; maybe not quite ready to take on a difficult day. When I pull into the parking garage and take my key out of the ignition and put my mask on, I enter a realm where I must be centered and ready to take care of others in vulnerable states. I must have a steady hand and a caring heart. I must be ready to find answers to questions and learn new things in any moment. I must be ready to think on my feet, and improvise when I don’t know what to say. I pray to a spiritual being to give me strength, to be still and to help me through the day because ‘this is how the day is gonna go.’

Read More
Sing a Glad Song

In the days and weeks to come I drew inward and became reflective of the circumstances around. I started making playlists to cope, and while I was exploring new music, I heard ‘Sing a Glad Song’ by Kevin Morby. The words and music lifted me up and I felt emotional every time I listened to this song.

‘When you get to feeling so bad, sing a glad song, When you get to feeling so sad, sing a glad song... And perhaps we’ll meet again my friend, above the weather. And these coughs in our chests will have gotten better.”

Read More