Singing with him made me feel better. He stayed and we sang a few more. Healing the woe of a dead battery and wishing John a happy birthday, we felt him smile down on us right then and there.
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It is a song that I love because it digs hard into what it feels like to ‘not belong’ and the wretched place of being in comparison with someone else. It reminds me of when I wasn’t cool in junior high, and also now, when I wonder where I fit in. I think in general I resist ‘fitting in’ because I know it doesn’t serve me well to give myself over to someone else’s standards.
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‘I’ll Be Here in the Morning’ wasn’t the first Townes song I learned, but it was probably the third or the fourth. In re-learning it for the tribute show, I thought it would be cool sung as a duet. I love this song because it reminds me of traveling, especially touring as a musician. There’s something uncanny about moving on from a place, whether it’s where you live, or a town you just got to a day or two before. Leaving a place commands you to be in the moment, which I really enjoy about touring as a musician. Some days I wonder if I’ll ever really do that again and I wonder if I’m romanticizing it all. Then I realize, yes I am and so was Townes.
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This song seemed simple at first and I thought it would be easy to learn but I have to confess that I struggled with trying to sing it! Singing along with a song you love is one thing, but to figure out how to ‘perform’ it is another. And since Lilly and I have similar ranges, I definitely thought that would be the easy part. But nope. It can be a dangerous moment when suddenly your own voice fails you. The inner voices start in ‘maybe you aren’t such a good singer after all… maybe you should stop this nonsense… no one wants to hear you butcher this song… ‘ and the U-turns of giving up keep on going.
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In the days and weeks to come I drew inward and became reflective of the circumstances around. I started making playlists to cope, and while I was exploring new music, I heard ‘Sing a Glad Song’ by Kevin Morby. The words and music lifted me up and I felt emotional every time I listened to this song.
‘When you get to feeling so bad, sing a glad song, When you get to feeling so sad, sing a glad song... And perhaps we’ll meet again my friend, above the weather. And these coughs in our chests will have gotten better.”
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“I Lost it” speaks to me because I feel like I’m always searching for something. Maybe it’s a memory, maybe it’s my keys, maybe it’s my voice. This song takes me to finding grace over and over again - I once was lost but now I’m found - I’ve heard this song was inspired by a bumper sticker that asks if you’ve found Jesus, and her response was ‘Have I lost him?’
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