Gratitude Act — Megan Palmer

Hey there mid-November! How did you get here so fast??? Even though I’ve been on a pretty big pause this second half of the year, it didn’t stop time from moving quickly. Even though a day here or there may feel long, the weeks spring by like short vignettes. Some fascinate me, some are more snooze-worthy, but they still happen!

I know it’s fairly typical in November to reflect on ‘gratefulness,’ but for me this year it is imperative. I’ve taken a deep deep dive into the realm of healing and I’m still soaking in its warm salty bath and breathing its breezy and pleasant air. In fact it’s so great here I’d like to stay! Maybe there is a way.

Last week I found myself living a very ‘Music City’ life. I attended 4 performances (one being my own) and I was moved by every single one of them in different ways. The first was my friend Jesse Henry, who played a solo opening set at The Ryman Auditorium - the ‘Mother Church’ as they call it here. A house of music history and divine experiences, opening originally in 1892 under the name of the ‘Union Gospel Tabernacle,’ it eventually became ‘The Ryman’ in 1904 and later became the second home of the Grand Ole Opry in 1943 (War Memorial Auditorium being the first) for the next 31 years. (Go to ryman.com/history) to fill in more of the blanks and be enthralled in its history.

Jesse, who is my longtime bandmate (The Spikedrivers) and very close friend, was to open the show for the up and coming band ‘CAAMP.’ He had produced an EP when they were first getting started a couple years ago. They have subsequently blown up this past year, and they asked him to play as a nod of gratitude for a sold-out Saturday night crowd in Nashville. I was nervous for him. We’ve spent hundreds of hours on stage together, and I know him well enough to know not what to expect. He did not disappoint. In fact, as he stepped into the light on the stage I truly saw he was born for that moment.

His set was moving and beautiful. Of course 20 minutes goes by in a pinch and he could have played for hours but he brought the crowd to its feet and everyone was asking, ‘Who is THAT guy?’ I felt like I was watching my friend transform into who he was, even though he didn’t know he was needing that moment in time. Suddenly, he was experiencing it and he was really ready for it. I had one fleeting moment when I wished I was up there too, but I was actually more grateful to be able to observe it and know my takeaway was from this perspective. I was SO PROUD of him!

The next evening Bob Lewis and I, “SlowForce” played our local Nashville hang ‘The 5 Spot.’ It’s no Ryman but when I first moved to Nashville, I hoped someday I could play there. We were on the bill with Stuffy Shmitt and Tom Mason and still beaming from the night before, I was really happy to play some notes of my own. Making music with Bob over the last couple years has been an incredible journey and I felt our songs drop into a great groove. During the set I forgot I’ve been sidelined the past 20 weeks dealing with chemotherapy and the fatigue that comes with it. Singing with Bob felt great and Ha! There was Jesse in the audience! Full circle in all the best ways. That’s true friendship.

A couple days later, Jason and I ended up at Bridgestone Arena for the CMA’s! Our friend Josh always works the awards show and sometimes can get a couple tickets so we were able to have wonderful seats and see what’s happening on the scene of country music. Too many performances to count, I was impressed how quickly the double stage was able to change over and how good everyone sounded, especially Chris Stapleton and Jennifer Hudson, Jimmie Allen, Ashleigh McBride and Mickey Guyton. In some ways that world feels so very close and so far away all at the same time.

The next day we had tickets to see Allison Russell in the Blue Room at Third Man Records. I’ve known Allison since her band ‘Po’Girl’ and followed her career in ‘Birds of Chicago’ and now she has a stunning new solo record out and it has warmed my heart to see her get some great attention for ‘Outside Child.’ Her. Band. Was. Awesome. Eight piece band, all female, all solid gold. She wore a sparkly suit and brought the magic with her voice, clarinet and banjo backed by nothing but brilliance. Margo Price sat in. Allie sang her songs that reflected a tumultuous upbringing full of sexual abuse and how she freed herself through action and art, and as she unleashed this music, I could feel the healing flow through all of us. Her voice alone released what gets stuck in the body as a result of trauma, sometimes in ways we are unaware of. I felt the release of the feminine wound through my own pelvis, hips and my feet and therefore my body grounded itself through tears and emotion emanating through the entire room. That’s what the power of music can do.

Allison Russell at Third Man Records “Blue Room”

Tomorrow is my last chemo treatment. To say it’s gone by quickly would be partially accurate. My scans look good and I believe I will still be doing a December of radiation but shortly after that I will be ‘done.’ There is a bell/triangle at the infusion center that some patients ring when they complete their course. I do not plan to ring this bell. Even if this chapter is over and I am given a clean bill of health again, I am forever changed. I am happy that some choose to ring this bell. To be honest I can’t remember if I rang it or not the last time I went through chemo. I was still in the fog that believed I was leaving cancer behind. The thing is, no matter what, cancer will always be there in some way, reminding me that it has become part of me and living that truth will always help me to know how to live better and take in the beautiful moments in life. I’m grateful for the ability to see, hear and feel so much along the way. To say I am blessed is an understatement.