Keeping Track of the Voice Within
Hello! I’m back home from tour for a few days before heading out again for one final week with the Trailblazing Women Of Country Tour. And what a tour it’s been! So far we’ve played 36 shows in 36 cities. There’s been so many amazing times, as well as a few challenging moments, but all in all, I have to say I’m glad I did it. I have learned that I really love playing music every night. I think at some point I had lost site of that and got caught up in the things I thought I ‘should’ be doing as a musician, so it’s really great to know in my heart, I love to be playing instruments. I think I will go forward in my life with the intention of letting myself ‘play’ instead of having a bunch of rules/tasks I need to follow and complete in order to do something I actually enjoy. I’m seeing it as reset and I feel excited about whatever is coming next. I think I’ve been so consumed with this job for months that I really hadn’t thought about what comes ‘next.’ Luckily, I still have some flexibility to rest and integrate all of the adventures I’ve already had this year. 8 weeks in a row away from home is a very long time and the longest I’ve been out since a very very long time ago. Like before smart phones. Think Mapquest. Ya, that long ago.
I’ve been writing on the road - mostly short stories. When I can, I’ve been signing into Terri Trespicio’s ‘Studio’ for prompts and quick feedback. When I can’t, I’ve still been setting a timer and creating a prompt and writing freely. Interesting stories have emerged - some fictional, some autobiographical, or a combo. I’ve also been practicing reading them out loud and listening to my own voice. I don’t know what I’m doing with these, but I am going to post some of them in the next couple weeks for paid subscribers. They will be drafts and I will include the narration. Most are quite short. Maybe some of them are strange or revealing. I will let the reader decide.
This week I’ve taken a deep dive into self care. Long walks with Baba, a massage, a healing treatment from a friend, a haircut, down time with Jason. Catching up on local politics (boo - yuck - ew) and contemplating ‘voice.’
I’ve been listening to ‘My Black Country: the Songs of Alice Randall.’ (Oh Boy Records, released 4/12/2024). Alice Randall has been a songwriter for over 4 decades, and the first black female to pen a #1 hit (Trisha Yearwood’s XXX’s and OOOs). She wrote songs performed by many others too, including Johnny Cash and Glen Campbell. She’s also a published best selling author! (HERO!) But this record, which is a compilation of female artists including some of my favorites - Allison Russell, Miko Marks, Adia Victoria to name a few, it also includes a reworking of her #1 hit by her own daughter, Caroline Randall Williams. The reinterpretation and video are stunning.
I love how she references the song within the song - ‘raised me in a house she paid for.. put our life in a song… and it’s xxx’s and ooo’s - forever and ever now, ribbons and bows and stay, getting better now…’
How we come along, ‘to make a brand new world,’ as she says in the song. I feel like it is about finding the courage to be a vulnerable voice - to say what the ‘feeling’ is and convey that musically, where words sometimes do not say enough. Nothing against poetry (or even prose, you know I love reading) but sometimes the PUNCH comes in through the sound of the music to get the point across.
And how, as a writer/musician, do we keep track of that voice within? It is so easily drowned out by the noise of the world. Macro and micro, at times it feels easier to minimize oneself - let others take up that space instead. But the result can be the loss of your own voice and what you are feeling.
When I ‘became’ a musician and then a songwriter, I didn’t know that I would end up against a wall of expectation to be ‘successful.’ The more I learned about it, the less I liked doing that part. Yet, coming back into myself, knowing that I am worthy of this life, and that I have a voice to share and that by golly, I still love to play and sing - well, that’s a relief! Success be damned, I’m just gonna be myself.